ConstruiEco Christophe nicolet

Am I The Narcissist? A Look At Inverted Narcissism

Am I The Narcissist? A Look At Inverted Narcissism

In my work with victims of narcissistic abuse I'm more typically than not requested the identical query: "How do I know I'm not the Narcissist?"

After I requested my very own therapist this question so a few years ago she answered "In case you had been the narcissist you wouldn't be asking that question, because narcissist's won't see that the issue is with them." They're too busy projecting the issues onto these around them.

Nevertheless our own narcissism is an issue price exploring in more detail. For example: Why do we ask that question to begin with. What is it that makes us really feel we're the narcissist?

In talking to a consumer today I had a big realization. She was telling me how she was all the time disenchanted in her earlier boyfriends or partners. They just didn't measure up to her expectations. As we dug a little bit deeper she explained how she has wavered between feelings of superiority and emotions of inferiority. She has constructed her own phantasm or idea of who she was which in her own reality positioned herself upon a pedestal. So in a way she was doing the identical thing a narcissistic personality would do. She sheltered herself from her emotions of inferiority by placing herself upon a pedestal. That pedestal created a false confidence.

So when the narcissistic personality comes into her life her false confidence is initially mirrored by the narcissist who displays to her the image worthy of the pedestal she has positioned herself upon. However because the relationship progresses her emotions of inferiority are triggered as he projects his personal inferiority upon her. Now she is experiencing the feeling signs of a narcissist getting her mate dissatisfied in her inadequacy just as she has been disillusioned in past companions for his or her inadequacy.

What is the distinction than between the narcissistic accomplice and the one who feels abused? Compassion and Empathy! The shopper I used to be talking to at the moment, recognized along with her companions emotions of superiority and likewise with his feelings of inadequacy. She had empathy for him. She didn't wish to see him hurt because she knows how painful it's to experience those same kinds of feelings. A pathological narcissist may give a rip about his companions harm feelings. He's solely involved with himself and his personal needs.

The inverted narcissist, as Sam Vaknin calls it, is the right match for the pathological narcissist. Because when their false selves meet, the phantasm of who they consider themselves to be is strengthened to a degree where it may really feel like Cinderella meeting her prince who takes her out of her hell hole, where she is made to wear rags and sweep ashes all day. Immediately she is swept off her feet, she fits the glass slipper completely, and is carried off to the Castle adorned with beautiful gowns and riches match for the queen she is.

Maybe in this fairy tale, Cinderella always fantasized herself to be a queen, however she lived the reality of being an ash maiden. She was ridiculed and condemned by these round her and made to feel unworthy of the good things in life. However she would show them someday. She would show them she was really a queen.

For those of us who come from painful childhoods the place we were by some means made to feel inferior, we can easily create fantasy worlds the place we escape into never by no means land. We imagine ourselves as fairy princesses and imagine our prince using up on a white horse and sweeping us off our feet, carrying us from our humble reality to a great castle where we are handled as a queen needs to be treated.

In the psychic realm the psychosis of the pathological narcissist is a good match for the fantasy world of the inverted narcissist. Because on the earth of make believe an ideal fantasy is created the place the King and the Queen of by no means by no means land get collectively and trip off into the sunset. It's such a phenomenal love story, in the beginning.

However all glass slippers eventually break and so do the glass houses the "preferrred" couple reside in. There love shouldn't be constructed on anything real, but quite an illusion of perfection created by each parties. She is saying "be my prince" and he is saying "be my queen." But as soon as they settle into the Castle the true selves begin to emerge. The sentiments of inferiority start to surface. Both partners don't really wish to be discovered, less they danger dropping their standing upon that pedestal. "What if she finds out I'm really a frog?" He may think. And she might surprise "what if he is aware of the reality of me, that I'm only an ash sweeper?"
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Christophe Nicolet. All rights reserved